I procrastinated writing this summer solstice article for several days. Then it hit me as to why. I was forcing myself to write it and forcing myself to be in a box versus allowing the energy to come through me and share from a genuine space about the solstice and what it really means to me.
As I was driving into the desert on the solstice I reflected on how many life altering choices have happened around this day, many times throughout my life.
One of them being my first engagement.
Many moons ago, I was supposed to get married on this day and I called it off. It felt like such a huge decision at the time. Now I look back at that young little lady and I am so proud of how courageous she was to make the choice not to follow the normal path because it felt off. I am at a crossroads again and making another big decision. It feels gigantic. Its not the usual path.
I’ve never been one to follow a normal path. At times, it’s been lonely and difficult not feeling normal. Wondering why I can’t just be like everyone else. Trying to be normal. But knowing I wasn’t normal. In a world that wants to put everything into perfect little boxes, all neat and tidy.
My path in life has probably looked a bit chaotic, intense, or wild to the normals in my world. I would agree. I’m usually moving through a big (healing) lesson, or (inspiring to) creating a project, or studying something new, and switching everything up just as the dust has settled and life got into a groove.
Turns out I’m not crazy. There’s just a lot of depth and layers and tools like #humandesign and #genekeys and #breathwork ) have helped me validate I’m not nuts, they are not normal, I’m just different.
We all have a unique design. Mine feels everything, manifests quickly, moves rigorously with discipline, is extremely independent, but equally craves connection and intimacy and help. I’ve fought being in the box and now I don’t need to fight because I’ve discovered my unconventional and divine flow, and it feels so damn good.
As I smelled the heat of the desert last night, felt the Joshua trees speaking to me, heard the wind whipping against the tin roof, my eyes swelled with love.
I’ve become the woman who I wanted to be when I called off that wedding. She wanted to live outside of the box. She wanted wild adventures in the human and spirit worlds.
I’m here for her and that gives me trust and faith that whatever other big decisions I make, she and I have each others back and we will rise into them.