Owner versus Victim


I first learned about the "Owner versus Victim" mindset from Steve Chandler back in 2010. It was such a startling and simplified way to distinguish in the nuances of my language and where I was residing in my mindset, that was determining my actions. What I also learned from Steve Chandler's distinctions is that ownership versus victimhood can be applied to all areas of life, not just work, money or my business.

When I discovered Steve Chandler's Owner versus Victim I was pregnant and preparing to be a single mother. As I became aware of the distinctions, I could clearly hear myself saying each of the statements. The most prominent distinction in my life at that time was, "I get from" versus "When I get through". 

I heard myself in conversation saying, "when I get through this pregnancy, then I can be...." (fill in the blank, happy, peaceful, relaxed, better, lighter). What I realized was that I was being given an opportunity to look at what I could get from this pregnancy versus waiting until I had the baby. 

It was then I understood the concept of "its about the journey, not the destination". If I waited for the destination, I would miss out on all the learnings, growth and evolution while pregnant that were meant to prepare me to be a mother once my baby arrived. I started looking at the sometimes physical discomfort of being pregnant as a blessing and asked myself, what am I meant to get from this, and each experience became an opportunity to connect with my body, myself and my baby in a much deeper way. I used the fear of being the sole provider for myself and my daughter as a place of purpose and inspiration. Each decision I made became a practice in slowing down, pausing, attuning. Becoming an owner of my life became a daily, often moment to moment, ritual of spirituality and consciousness in human form. What I also learned was that there were many areas that I was already an owner in areas that maybe a few years prior I was a victim. The distinctions gave me the opportunity to celebrate all of the inner work I had done up until that point. 

So, here is your opportunity to look over the list and see where you are already an owner, and what areas you can shift from victim to empowerment. 

Owner Language/ Mindset:

  • Uses life as a platform for building
  • Gaines from each event
  • I want to
  • I choose to
  • I intend to
  • I want to do this now
  • How can I do this?
  • Can I use this to Improve?
  • What can I do?
  • We
  • Team Based
  • Volunteer
  • Commitment (decisions)
  • Just Chooses to be Happy
  • Brings happiness into the relationship
  • When there is a problem – I am the problem
  • I am the solution
  • Who do I need to BE?
  • How do I need to BE?
  • Busy – Fun – Focus
  • There should not be problems
  • Accepts responsibility
  • Is Proactive

Victim Language/Mindset

  • Life uses me
  • I just have to GET THROUGH
  • I should
  • I ought to
  • I am obligated to
  • I have to live up to others expectations
  • I’m stressed
  • I’m overwhelmed
  • I’m swamped
  • Why does this happen to me?
  • Who can I blame
  • They
  • I isolate myself
  • I am forced to
  • Committed (feeling)
  • Happiness is based on people, Places and Things
  • Takes from the relationship
  • Do not want to think about problems
  • Problems multiply
  • Why am I the way I am
  • What do I do?
  • Is Reactive

If you have any questions on how to apply these distinctions to your life shoot me an email gwen@gwendittmar.com or comment on the blog. I look forward to hearing from you!

With love, Gwen