I receive a lot of questions from clients who are still working in a career or job that they don’t like, but haven’t full transitioned out of yet. This puts clients in an challenging position, that is similar to when you are still living with someone even after you’ve separated, divorced, or broken up. It is clear that there’s nothing left, but you are still there until you can find a new place for yourself. So, how do you stay happy, focused, and energetically protected in a job that you hate, do not enjoy doing, and could even be a toxic?Read More
Procrastination is one of the most discussed topics in coaching sessions. Where does it stem from? How can we move through?
As with most obstacles and challenges, we can often want to fix them. Instead, true, sustainable change and transformation from obstacles and challenges comes through understanding and healing the core issue. We can fix the challenge, or we can heal it. My method of coaching centers on healing.
Procrastination can stem from many sources, such as fear of failure, excessive perfectionism, low energy levels, and lack of focus. So, where does fear of failure and perfectionism come from? At the core is our inherent worth, shame, guilt, and lovability.Read More
We are entering that time of the year where the temperatures and darker days invite us inside, not only snuggling on the sofa, but inside of ourselves to reflect on 2018 and recharge for 2019.
My belief is that we must clear away debris before there is room for new energy to enter. This includes decluttering the mind, beliefs, stories, energetically, spiritually, emotionally, as well as our tangible physical space. This is the mission for my work in the world, and for my ending and beginning ritual.Read More
Growth is not comfortable. If it was more people would be going to the gym, leaving that lifeless relationship, putting energy behind the business idea in their heart. Growing requires stretching to new levels. Growth asks us to go somewhere we haven’t gone before so the path is unknown, uncertain and can feel scary. Growth is also not linear so we can easily take two steps forward and two steps back before moving three steps forward. But growth is inevitable and is the only thing we can rely on. If we are not growing, we are dying.
Understanding the process of growth was key for me in understanding how to be present with all of the uncertainty, discomfort and fear that happens when we are stretching to new levels of work, finances, relationships and love.
“One can choose to go back towards safety or forward towards growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” - Abraham Maslow
Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs was one of the most valuable tools for me in understanding the process of growth and what is needed in each stage of growth. Maslow believed that we must first have our basic needs met before we can elevate into esteem and love, and we must love and respect ourselves and others before we can elevate into self actualization.
We must have our basic needs met - a safe home, warmth, rest, food, water - before we can start feeling safe in the world to stretch into new levels of consciousness. This is why when I am working with new clients who want to leave a job and start their own business, making sure your basic needs are met is integral so that you can always be in a place of rising up and calling in clients that are rising up and holding the energy for your clients to rise up.
Next is our safety - feeling safe in our bodies, feeling safe in the world, releasing shame or guilt - in order to expand, grown, see and be seen by others. This is also a key layer to move through otherwise what I see people doing is working feverishly, or setting intentions, stating affirmations, and wondering why nothing is changing. This is because we have to be safe and feel safe in order to rise to the next layer. Safety is a key component of my coaching and it is why I integrate Breathwork, Reiki and other energy modalities into my coaching. There are times when clients will hit a wall within coaching (or therapy) because safety has to be processed by the mind but also integrated into every cell in our body in order for true growth and elevation to the next level.
Then the need for esteem and self love - respecting, accepting, loving, cherishing ourselves - is key before we can do that with anyone else. Maslow believed that belonging and love occurred before esteem for oneself. But I personally believe this level occurs first, because we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. needs to happen before we can ever love someone else. I can see from several groups that I am a part of - my business mastermind, a heart centered female entrepreneur networking group, a collective coaching community, my 12 Step fellows, Buddhist community, and the tribe I have built (join here) for women who are my coaching clients, moon circle attendees and fellow Breathwork healers - gives each of us space to be seen, to be loved unconditionally, to be treasured. I can see how having that space to be seen for who we are can mirror and allow ourselves to see us for who we are.
The need to belonging and love - to be welcomed and loved as part of a group - has to be a present before we can rise to the next level. We are tribal beings. It is why we thrive in community (even if we are introverted). We are on this planet together. It is why a baby would die without human touch and interaction. But, as I shared below, I feel these two levels are interchangeable and equally important. For some, as I’ve seen in 12 Step fellows who have no esteem for oneself, need to be loved by the group before they can mirror that love for oneself. For some, as I’ve seen in Buddhism, have to learn to love oneself before they can extend that compassion to others. Both states of love are needed before we can rise to self actualization.
The need for actualization - which represents growth of an individual toward fulfillment of the highest needs, those for meaning in life, purpose in life, and purpose for being a human in this lifetime - is a unique relationship and journey. What I’ve learned over the years is that we are so different in how we receive, experience, integrate, and express this manifestation. Some of us learn this through healing modalities, spirituality, others through service, creativity, and expression. My encouragement is to be open to all of the magical ways that we can continually actualize and rise on the spiritual ladder of love.
Its by understanding the entire process before we start that gives us some grounding and sense of relief for what we will be moving through. It can be found here in the hierarchy, in books, podcasts, healers, teachers and those who have already moved through the discomfort we are experiencing and have the experience, strength and wisdom to be with us.
Letting go of control.... Phew, am I being offered opportunity after opportunity to learn the next level of this concept. Letting go of control is a common phrase in the self development world but what does it really mean and how do we practice it? Below you’ll find real life situations and practical ways of letting go.Read More
I am an introvert through and through. Regardless of what people might think or see on the outside, I was that child and adult until just recently, who got purple splotches when talking to strangers or speaking in front of a group. As a child I was too shy to talk to my teachers, extended aunts and uncles. Through my adulthood I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone but with a lot of resistance and awkward moments. So, for me to willingly register to have a booth at an expo and publically speak was short of a miracle.Read More
Something is bothering you. A challenging situation at work, your relationship isn’t working out the way you had hoped it would, your kids are testing your patience, you’re having trouble finding a job and money is tight. These are some of the challenges that my clients have struggled with this week alone. We all have challenges and things that disturb our peace. What matters more than fixing the problem, is looking at how we are relating to ourselves as we go through the issue.Read More
I see it over and over again from women I talk to at my circles and in discovery calls. I found myself in the same situation over and over again too. How do you hire a coach when your finances are limited? In my experience, and in a lot of the coaching books, when people make a choice to be ALL IN to life, this energetically propels you to move mountains, and life brings abundance ALL IN to you. Probably more so than you ever have in your life. This is where the magic happens. And yes, it is scary as hell. Probably the scariest investment you will ever make.Read More
Autumn is a time to harvest, release and let go. Gathering herbs, harvesting vegetables, bundling and canning them for the winter was something that my neighbor did each year. As I grew up, went to college, entered young adulthood, I lost contact with the rituals and ceremonies underneath of the season. But my soul remembered and longed to reconnect with the pink sunsets and geese flying south for the winter, those leafless branches that looked like black skeleton bones against the dusk sky. Over the past few years of integrating Breathwork into my daily life and studying shamanism, that ancient, tribal, witchy part of me that had been in the closet, has been reborn. Here are some of my favorite herbs, rituals and ceremonies for fall new moon, full moon and autumn equinox.Read More
I can't tell you how many times in the past I would have an idea, write it down, and then let it fade away in a journal, stashed in my drawer underneath sentimental cards. I usually have at least one person in every batch of new clients that has that notebook full of entrepreneurial ideas that they never take action to build. You feel me?
That is why I've been studying some of my most successful clients, and tracing my own times of rapid growth and stagnation. What have I found? Being decisive is key and in order to be decisive someone has to be connected to and trust themselves. This is a lot of the work I do as a coach with my clients. Teaching them to trust their gut and be decisive with it.Read More
If you want the short story, here it is. The roller coaster of keeping my life looking perfect and calm on the outside with a successful career, nice car, apartment by the ocean, yet feeling utterly miserable inside became too exhausting to continue. Deep down I knew there was a better life for me. A happy life. A fulfilling life. A soulful life. A healthy life. If you want the longer version, keep reading.Read More
I admit it. I entered that breathwork class with a bit of skepticism. I thought I had accessed all there was to experience to a certain extent. However, simultaneously I was willing, open and ready to know myself, my path more profoundly and intimately. I found myself at this interesting juxtapose that I'd experienced other times in my life during adolescence, college, young adulthood. Everything looked good on the outside, but everything felt ungrounded and untethered on the inside. My life was good, but I wanted great.Read More
Forgiveness is a hard concept to grasp. Especially when we feel justified in our resentment when someone has done something "wrong" or "bad" to us. However holding onto resentments has detrimental effects on our health, both physically and mentally.Read More
Do you ever find yourself saying this? If so, you're not alone. Usually what triggers us into saying this phrase is that we set an intention for something to happen, become attached to that intention happening exactly the way we envision it, and then become resentful when it doesn’t happen. Getting triggered and feeling like "it's not fair" is an awesome opportunity to practice your consciousness skills, your mindfulness tools, and your spiritual practices.Read More
What happens when you are sleeping versus awake? The eyes are closed and you are unconscious to what is happening in human life. What happens when you are spiritually asleep versus spiritually awake? The eyes are open and you are unconscious to what is happening in your human life.
What I've found in watching myself and my clients transition and up level is that there are three distinct layers in the process of awakening.Read More
"If you are happy, notify your face."
My mother used to say this to me as a child. When I was sad or frustrated, I hated hearing this common phrase, because it felt hard to smile when I wasn't happy. At other times in my life when I was learning how to feel my emotions for the first time, I didn't want to bypass my true feelings and fake a smile. I had done that for too long. But now as an adult, who understands the power of a smile, I understand the wisdom beneath my mom's words.Read More
Most of us have big goals when we set intentions at the beginning of the year, when we start a new coaching group, hire a coach, decide to make a health change, start a new meditation practice or exercise program, or even enter into a new relationship.
Big goals feel exciting and invigorating at first. There is excitement and possibility. We are open and ready. We might even forge ahead for the first few weeks. But then, the excitement around goals fades. How do I know this? From 10 years of coaching clients and observing myself.Read More
I learned early on in my life the different ways people grieve by watching them. I was able to form my own path to grief; a way to accept and to connect with the spirit after the human form has dissipated. I've worked with many clients over the past ten years on grieving and rebirth after the death of a loved one. The common denominator is that there is no way around it... the only way is through the grief.Read More
There's such an emphasis on becoming mindful. I too place an emphasis on meditation as part of my coaching. There is scientific data that proves how meditation improves mood, physiology and even makes you smarter. But the process of becoming mindful can be daunting and discouraging. If you have trouble meditating, here is one of the most simple tools that I use to support clients in practicing mindfulness.Read More
Trust me, I understand feeling stressed. There's so much to do in a day. But I like to think of stress in a different way than most people do. To me, I like it when I notice that I am feeling stressed. Why? Because stress is a red flag that we need to wake up, slow down, create space. When we use stress as our friend, not our enemy, we can gain so much.Read More